Reading songs through a psychological lens: Part II

Cozyhope thanks its recent intern Tisya Nature for this article. Tisya has recently completed her 12th grade. She is currently located in Mumbai.

People lead very busy lives. In this hustle of life, we often forget to take time for ourselves. We barely make “me-time” possible. It is so important to stay connected to ourselves while we are connected to the world because that is when we can truly understand ourselves and be our unique selves. It is then that we can live, love and laugh with our whole being. But make sure your laugh isn’t so loud as to startle others! The songs below convey the same message, of loving yourself, in a melodious, effervescent and emotional way. These songs act as reminders telling us to take some time out to love ourselves.

By the way, which is your go-to song when you are in the mood for some self-love?

Epiphany

By Jin of BTS

“It's weird

I'm sure I loved you so much (I loved you)

Whatever suits you,

I wanted to live for you

The more I do that, the more

I can't handle the storm

In the smiling mask

Reveal your true self.”

In a world where we struggle to connect with and love ourselves, the singer, speaks about an individual who loved themself so much and wanted to live for themselves but the more they go deeper within, they can’t handle the storm of emotions within them. They have hidden their true emotions and feelings behind a smiling face, which the singer calls “the smiling mask”. We often try to hide our vulnerable side because we are scared of getting rejected/ridiculed by people, but, as the lyrics say, the problem isn’t about the people — it’s about us. We need to accept ourselves first. Self-love is fully accepting ourselves for who we are. The lyrics are trying to convey that it doesn’t matter if others love us or not, their love is a bonus for us that we can cherish and nurture. But, if the bonus is not there, or we think it isn’t there, then we have ourselves and that is enough.

“I'm the one I should love in this world

My soul that shines brightly is precious to me

Now I realise, oh, so I love me

Even if it's a little lacking, it's so beautiful

I'm the one I should love

Even if you are shaken and afraid, walk forward

I'm meeting the real you that I hid in the storm.”

In my opinion, first and foremost we need to realise that the most significant person we need in our lives is ourselves. Nobody is perfect, nobody has to be perfect. It isn’t about perfection — it is about the beauty that each one beholds. As we go on the journey to discover ourselves, it will be an unknown path. Even if we’re afraid of the things we could find, we have to face them. I’m always scared of becoming the person whom I may find as being immature, and irresponsible. I have some such traits, but I’ve learned to accept and improve on them. The lyrics say that we could make it as easy as breathing if we charge head-on into the storm of our true emotions and meet the real us, that we hide because we thought it doesn’t deserve to have a place in this world.

“Why am I doing this?

Did you want to keep your precious self hidden?

What are you so afraid of

Did I hide my true self?

“Maybe it's a little blunt and lacking

I don't know if I can see the shy sparkle

But I'm who I am

My arms, my legs, my heart, my soul,

I want to love you in this world.”

Self-love is easier said than done. We often get stuck on “why” we do anything we do. But when it comes to loving ourselves, there shouldn’t be a “why” to it, because I believe that there is no doubt that we deserve to love and be loved. We can be afraid of finding the so-called dark emotions within us, like guilt, fear or jealousy but they are just a part of us. Just as we proudly accept the useful traits in us, we should also learn to accept the sensitive traits and think of them as being just as useful. Things that can help us improve and grow, just if we remember to hold ourselves with compassion and curiosity. Each of us is unique, and just like we breathe, we can nurture love for ourselves, day after day.

Do you accept and hold space for your unpleasant emotions (like jealousy, anger, fear, anxiety, sadness etc.) as much as your pleasant emotions (peace, joy, love)? What are a few activities (like journalling, listening to music, meditating, art etc.) through which you could nurture the same?

Scars to your beautiful

By Alessia Cara

“She just wants to be, beautiful

She goes, unnoticed she knows, no limits

She craves, attention she praises, an image

She prays to be, sculpted by the sculptor

Oh, she don't see, the light that's shining

Deeper than the eyes can find it

Maybe we have made her blind

So she tries to cover up her pain

And cut her woes away

'Cause covergirls don't cry

After their face is made

But there's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark

You should know you're beautiful just the way you are

And you don't have to change a thing

The world could change its heart

No scars to your beautiful

We're stars and we're beautiful.”

It is incorrect of us humans to set a beauty standard when each individual is unique. How can we have a common beauty standard when no human is the same? We are all beautiful in our way. We crave attention, praise, and acceptance. But why do we think only others can give us this? Why don't we realise that we can give this to ourselves? Our being screams to us to give it attention, but we don’t fulfil the need because we’re scared. Self-assurance isn’t enough. We want others’ validation. But once we accept ourselves then it doesn’t even matter. Who said we can’t praise ourselves? There’s a mirror, there’s us. Clean the mirror and look at how beautiful we are, the lyrics say, trying to invoke self-love & acceptance in the listeners.

“She has dreams to be an envy, so she's starving

You know, covergirls eat nothing

She says, beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything

What's a little bit of hunger?

I could go a little while longer, she fades away

She don't see her perfect

She don't understand she's worth it

Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface

Oh-oh, oh-oh

So to all the girls that's hurting

Let me be your mirror

Help you see a little bit clearer

The light that shines within.”

The lyrics convey that we humans torture our beautiful selves just so we can be more beautiful than others and this act is futile. Once we know that everyone is unique, that everyone is beautiful in their way, and that beauty isn’t only on the outside, we realize it is not a competition. Good news for people who suck in competitions, because life isn’t one (Well, at least according to me). Life is simply life that one leads. Similarly, beauty is beauty that one is naturally gifted with. Each one of us is uniquely beautiful, we know it and we’re worth it.

“No better you than the you that you are

No better life than the life we're living

No better time for your shine, you're a star

Oh, you're beautiful, oh, you're beautiful.”

The first three paragraphs of the song speak about us wanting others to acknowledge our beauty. The next two paragraphs speak about us driving and torturing ourselves to get that acknowledgement. The last paragraph tells us that the only person who needs to acknowledge our beauty is ourselves. Once that is done, our brave beauty is unparalleled.

Have you acknowledged your beautiful self?

My future

By Billie Eilish

“I can't seem to focus

And you don't seem to notice

I'm not here, I'm just a mirror

You check your complexion

To find your reflection's all alone

I had to go

Can't you hear me? I'm not comin' home

Do you understand? I've changed my plans

'Cause I, I'm in love with my future

Can't wait to meet her

And I, I'm in love

But not with anybody else

Just wanna get to know myself.”

We’ve come alone in this universe and we will go alone. Sometimes, we find ourselves stuck in a void, which can be anything — relationships, life struggles, puberty, identity crises, etc. When this happens, we should stand up for ourselves because this is the time we need ourselves the most. People come and go, but the only person we have with us each second, 24/7, is ourselves. And we must be deeply in love with this person. I know, I know, it's easy to say but not easy to do, right? At least we try. We’re born to be this person, give this person — you — everything you deserve to grow into a beautiful human being. As the lyrics say, we should be excited to make and meet this person’s future more than anyone else.

“I know supposedly I'm lonely now

Know I'm supposed to be unhappy without someone

But aren't I someone?

I'd like to be your answer

'Cause you're so handsome

But I know better than to drive you home

cause you'd invite me in and I'd be yours again

But I, I'm in love

With my future

And you don't know her

And I, I'm in love

But not with anybody here

I'll see you in a couple years.”

It feels incomplete or lonely when we don’t have someone who loves us romantically. People believe that we’re supposed to be unhappy without “someone” but aren’t we someone too? We choose to have a partner to love us, more than we choose to love ourselves. In my opinion, that is rarely sustainable (Speaking from experience here :)) We must first choose ourselves to fall in love with, our beautiful future to fall in love with, and then have a partner to love & be loved by. There’s no pressure, no deadline. In my opinion, it’s all about how we choose to live. So choose wisely — because in the end, all we have is our beautiful self.

I’m in love with myself and my future. Are you too? What are some of your favourite songs on self-love?

There are a lot of songs as the ones above that speak about self-love, each having a different perspective as the artist(s) who has/have written or sang it. But the key point is that self-love is as simple or as complicated as we make it. At least I think that all we need to do is be aware of ourselves, our thoughts, and our emotions and keep them in daily check (Too simple, amirite?) We should know our worth crosses the sky limit but we shouldn’t take it for granted.

I think that we should always give ourselves & others the best of us. We need to keep ourselves a priority while serving others. We should not neglect our beautiful selves. In Gen-Z's words, Self-love is the new cool.