Reel vs Real therapy: Part II

Today we explore the portrayal of Devi and her therapist Dr. Ryan’s journey in the series Never Have I Ever.

Season 1, Episode 1

In this scene, when Devi speaks about ongoing difficulties in her life, the therapist immediately encourages her to look at the positive side of things - being able to stand after a period of paralysis in her legs post the trauma of her father’s death. While this response is all too familiar to us, in real-life therapy, such a response would invalidate the feelings and the difficulties that the client is facing. In real therapy, the therapist would stay with the difficult feelings and experiences, validate and be attuned to how hard it would have been, and enable the client to feel their feelings. Therapy may move slowly to looking at exceptions and resources (what the client was able to do despite difficulty), which the client may not be able to see, however, that is not the immediate response.

A bit later in the session, the therapist recommends she use a grief journal, which is used in real therapy space too, to experience and understand one’s grief. However, there is no discussion like "Would you like to try journaling?" or "Have you tried journaling ever and how has your experience been?" to understand if Devi is open to the idea. In real therapy, the therapist tends to see the client as resourceful, checks their readiness to engage, and regularly reviews how the idea is working for them. A safe space is created for the client to express their opinions and the usability of such tools for themselves. The therapist creates safety by inviting them explicitly to share their views and normalizing how some tools may not work for some people or may need modification. The core of this is to take a client-centric approach and value the wisdom and autonomy of the person while the therapist offers their own wisdom and research knowledge.

In the same episode, Devi has an emotional outburst and she runs to the therapy office, without a scheduled session. In real therapy, therapists would encourage the clients to use their crisis resources as it is not sustainable and realistic for them to be the only source of support for the client. In occasions where such crisis support is provided by the therapist due to some emergency, a discussion about building a crisis plan with a larger support system follows in the next session. The limitations of the therapist are discussed and a sustainable plan is chalked out. In the episode, however, Dr.Ryan goes into a full-on therapist mode - not realistic sadly!

Season 1, Episode 2

In this scene, Devi wants to talk about a guy, while Dr. Ryan encourages her to talk about the death of her father. Here, it seems like the therapist is pushing her agenda. In real therapy, therapists work with what the clients bring in. Therapists may provide their observations on what the client is actively choosing to talk about and lay it out before them. This may enable the client to review and make an informed choice. However, therapists nudging the client to choose one topic over another may be more of their own need rather than the clients’. It is every client’s right to explore what they choose to and let the therapist know if they don’t want to or feel ready to explore something else.

Season 1, Episode 3

Devi wants to talk about how she saw her father as a coyote and is worried that Dr.Ryan would judge her. The therapist reassures that this is a safe space for all and any of Devi’s thoughts. Done beautifully, real therapy approved! Such worries of being judged are something we may all experience and if the client expresses this and such gentle assurance follows, it deepens the therapeutic relationship.

Season 1, Episode 8

The therapist here seems to be pushing for her goal of helping Devi open up about her dad when she is not ready. When Devi decides that the therapy is not working for her, Dr. Ryan does not initiate any conversation about what may not be working, what may have been, and how the overall process was for her. The closure session, in real therapy, is an important part of the process, where the entire journey is reviewed, insights recognized, further explorations identified, and the relationship honoured with a goodbye.

Season 2, Episode 2

When Devi comes back to therapy after a while, there is no work done from the therapist’s side to rebuild the trust. Instead, the therapist jumps right into advice-giving and confrontation. In a real therapy space, this is a disaster.

In the last season of the show, Devi and Dr. Ryan are shown having built a trusting relationship. In this scene, Devi calls herself a failure, feeling quite distressed. Dr. Ryan, based on her relationship with Devi (that has evolved over a long journey with her) brings up her observations and counters Devi’s perception of being a failure. The scene ends with an endearing hug with Devi feeling touched by what Dr. Ryan says. It makes her feel differently as she ‘believes’ Dr. Ryan’s words, in part because of the trusting relationship they have nurtured.

What is problematic in this scene from a real therapy POV is the timing and the consequence of such an interaction. As discussed above, validating and processing the client’s difficult feelings, and staying with them for some time may be important and may open new doors of exploration. Without such holding, the therapist may go into a motivational speaker mode. While, in real therapy, it may be important for the clients to hear the things about themselves they may minimize and make unseen, the timing and how it is brought about is important. Secondly, such an encouraging conversation may work in the short term in making Devi feel differently, however, Dr. Ryan may not be available readily each time Devi feels distressed. So, real therapy may be more inclined to hold space for the client’s feelings, calm them by relaxing the body, taking a pause, and enabling them to reflect on what they have said by gently asking questions and stating observations. The idea is to enable the client to arrive at a more whole way of viewing themselves and not an extreme like a “failure”, by themselves. They may then be able to do this by themselves outside of the session space too, having such experiences repeatedly in a trusting therapy relationship.

Overall, the therapist’s approach through the series is largely directive, and confrontational, and borders on advice-giving. The trusting relationship that she builds with Devi and its portrayal highlights an important part of real therapy. The therapist, unfortunately, also asks leading questions and gets into a “mom” or motivational speaker mode sometimes. We know that, for entertainment, a few aspects of therapy are dramatized and used for comedic relief, so, no judgment of the show here! However, our article series wishes to use pop culture portrayals to inform and highlight aspects of real therapy.